The Red Shoes

There is a fairy tale of a girl who wished to dance so much that she bought a pair of magic red shoes. As long as she wore these shoes she danced- but she had no way to take them off.
So she danced and danced. The blessing became a curse.
I have spent four days or so in a heightened state- mostly induced by watching videos on pick up. This is a new world for me. It seems that 'state' is contagious. First it is transferred from the program to me and then it is transferred from me to everyone I meet.
Viewing these videos is something of a mystery all of its own. On one level they make total sense but on the other hand they seem virtually meaningless. While viewing them I entered state and felt that I had been given some sort of eternal truth. Even talking about 'state' while I am not in state makes it seem a mirage. It is the condition of being totally 'right'. Everything I say is exactly what needs to be said and everything I do is appropriate.
While in this condition I met and then slept with a Brazilian/Colombian one time children's TV presenter who was in London to become a model and actress. She was just 22.
The trouble seems to be that state requires an expenditure of emotional energy. While in state I feel as high as a crack cocaine addict. This is actually a good analogy. Now that I have come off the boil the whole thing seems slightly irrelevant and futile. Furthermore I now seem to be more socially inept than I was before.
The really interesting thing about Real Social Dynamics (or at least the higher level stuff I have been viewing) is that it is not really about seducing women at all. It is all about reaching and sustaining 'state' which they often call the Nimbus.
In fact the nimbus seems to be its own reward. Life is more vivid and exciting. Possibilities seem infinite. There is a tendency to spend money one does not have and launch ventures that I am not qualified to complete. In this respect it seems similar to the 'up' part of a manic depressive (bipolar) condition. It may be that people simply become addicted to this 'up'.
It is thrilling to discover one can do this sort of thing- and very unusual to go from nothing to an apparent (but possibly illusionary) mastery. I wonder how I will feel if I realise that it was nothing but beginners luck and self delusion.
This thought compels me to pump myself into state once again- simply to prove that I am not a self deluding buffoon.
But what if I am not deluding myself?
What if the nimbus is real? What if I need to pursue models and actresses to maintain it? What if I sometimes succeed?
Would this be heaven or would it be hell?
I have a feeling I will find out. This is a dance that I have started and it is not clear how I could end it.


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